


Natural Instincts

by LadyLibby



Category: Narcos (TV)
Genre: Babysitting, Domestic Fluff, Español | Spanish, F/M, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends with Benefits to Relationship, I am so in love with Javi, Implied Sexual Content, Like, Mild Angst, Mild Sexual Content, Mutual Pining, Romance, Wow, can you call it pining if you're already kind of in a relationship?, journalist!reader, whatever im going with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:08:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22686763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLibby/pseuds/LadyLibby
Summary: For all your rationale, all the excuses, all the denials, your heart betrayed the truth every time. It sped up when you heard his voice over the phone, promising to see you later, telling you how beautiful you looked on TV that day, or how much he needed you. You couldn’t help the contentment you felt, sunk deep in your bones when you lay together, sweat-slicked and satisfied. In those few moments, while he smoked and you traded small pieces of your lives, you felt the safest you’d ever felt in your life. Only in those instances of midnight intimacy did you allow yourself to wish for more. To imagine he was yours and you were his and the horror of the world beyond wouldn’t touch you anymore. Ignoring the ache in your chest when he left...that was almost harder than reporting from crime scenes or staring down Escobar’s men when they tried to get you under their thumb.You should turn around and let Javi deal with whatever it is on his own. You should never speak to him again. Maybe then you could get on with your life.You should. But you don’t.
Relationships: Javier Peña/Reader, Javier Peña/You
Comments: 11
Kudos: 93





	Natural Instincts

**Author's Note:**

> I am Pedro Pascal trash and that's just how it is. Come wallow with me :)

_ For all the things my hands have held, the best by far is you. _

Bogotà, Colombia

The couch sunk slightly as you sat down heavily, letting the stress of the day out in one long exhale. You tipped your head back to rest against the back of the couch, staring up at the ceiling for a few minutes. Eventually, you gained back enough mental energy to flick on the TV, letting a badly dubbed episode of  _ Cheers _ drown out the constant drum of responsibilities in the back of your mind. You were considering giving up entirely and heading to bed when the phone rang. 

“Este es Y/N.” 

“I need your help.” You’d recognize that voice anywhere, even without the shiver it sent down your spine. 

“Javi...not tonight. I’ve had a long day–” 

“No, no. Not  _ that _ .” He said quickly, and you heard a strange noise in the background. “This is serious, Y/N. Please.” 

You sat up, the urgency in his tone putting you on alert. “Where are you?” 

“My place.” 

“I’ll be there in ten.” You hung up, grabbing your purse and heading for the door. 

You drove so fast through the lamp lit streets, it was a miracle you didn’t die in a fiery crash on the way to Javier’s apartment. Your mind spun with various scenarios, none of them good–he was seriously injured and would bleed out on the floor before you got there, he’d killed someone and needed help hiding the body, he…

You shook your head, mentally chastising your stupid life decisions. 

Anyone with a brain could see that you shouldn’t be doing this. Hell, your own brain told you it was a bad idea. What you had with Javier...it was just sex. A way for each of you to let off some steam and unwind after long hard days. You saw enough death every day that you’d come to crave the small reminders that you were alive, that you weren’t alone. You were using each other. That’s what your brain told you when you’d open the front door to see him leaning against the doorframe, whiskey on his breath and a cigarette between his fingers. It was practically a business transaction, you reminded yourself when you’d pick up the phone and call him late at night when the images of violence and destruction became too much for you to bear on your own. Your relationship was merely a give and take of touch, sensation and pleasure. Nothing more. 

But then your heart came into play.

For all your rationale, all the excuses, all the denials, your heart betrayed the truth every time. It sped up when you heard his voice over the phone, promising to see you later, telling you how beautiful you looked on TV that day, or how much he needed you. You couldn’t help the contentment you felt, sunk deep in your bones when you lay together, sweat-slicked and satisfied. In those few moments, while he smoked and you traded small pieces of your lives, you felt the safest you’d ever felt in your life. Only in those instances of midnight intimacy did you allow yourself to wish for more. To imagine he was yours and you were his and the horror of the world beyond wouldn’t touch you anymore. Ignoring the ache in your chest when he left...that was almost harder than reporting from crime scenes or staring down Escobar’s men when they tried to get you under their thumb. 

You should turn around and let Javi deal with whatever it is on his own. You should never speak to him again. Maybe then you could get on with your life. 

You should. But you don’t. 

You pushed your thoughts aside, focusing on the last few blocks until you reached the embassy’s apartment complex. Slamming the car door shut, you barely remembered to lock it before dashing up the steps and running inside. You ran to Javier’s front door. Pained cries came from inside, making your heart pound. You didn’t wait to knock, instead using your key and letting yourself inside. 

You skidded around the corner, searching for him. Javier stood in the living room with his back to you. Upon first glance, he seemed unhurt and you didn’t see anyone else in the apartment with him. You stopped short as he turned around and you saw what he was holding.

“What–I...Javi,  _ what? _ ”

The baby in his arms wailed louder. He held it as far away from his body as he could, wrinkling his nose in disgust. Javier looked at you, fear and confusion written all over his face. 

“Help me. Please.” 

The desperation in his tone spurred you into action. You closed the distance between you, taking the child from him and cradling her gently in your arms. Instinctively, you bounced on the balls of your feet until the repetitive motion quieted her. 

“Why do you have a baby?” You looked down at the adorable chubby face, a sudden horrible thought striking your mind. “Oh God, is it…?”

“She’s not mine. Definitely not.” He said, shaking his head. “Murphy and I found her in a comuna a few months back. Escobar had her parents killed. Steve and Connie are going to adopt her.” 

“Oh,” You nodded, “What’s her name?” 

“Olivia.” 

“It’s nice to meet you, Ms. Olivia.” You said. 

You looked into the baby’s big brown eyes. She stared back up at you, reaching a chubby hand towards your face. You let her little fingers close around your index finger, smiling at her. 

“How the hell do you do that?” Javier asked, watching you. 

“Language.” You hissed. 

“She doesn’t understand what we’re saying.” He argued. 

You rolled your eyes. “What do you mean? I’m just holding her.” 

“Yeah, and she already likes you.” Javier said. “She just starts crying whenever I touch her.” 

“Have you ever taken care of a baby before?” 

He gave you a look. “What do you think?” 

“I was giving you the benefit of the doubt.” You teased. “Why did they ask you to babysit, then? Doesn’t Connie have friends at the clinic?” 

“It was last minute. Her mom is sick and they had to fly back to Miami. I just said yes without thinking and then they left. She wouldn’t stop crying until you showed up. I thought I was going to lose my mind.” 

“Why didn’t you call me earlier?” 

“You were working.” He nodded towards the television. 

A couple on a telenovela held each other on the grainy screen, luxuriating in their own melodrama. The man grabbed the woman roughly, smashing his lips against hers. You shifted Olivia in your arms, moving to switch off the TV. 

“Prude.” Javi smirked. 

“No, I just hate those things.” You said. “You’d think they’d hire people with actual acting experience, but no.” 

Silence stretched between you, long and heavy. Dimly, you realized this was the longest you’d ever been in his apartment without...well, you’d usually spend your visits in his bedroom. Or the couch. Javier shifted his weight from one foot to the other and you had the sense he was thinking the same thing you were. You wracked your brain for something to say when Olivia began to fuss, her face scrunching up as she cried. 

“Has she had anything to eat yet?” You asked, bouncing gently again. 

“I don’t know.” Javier’s eyes widened. “I haven’t fed her.” 

Olivia cried louder. You hushed her, promising that it would all be alright in a minute as you moved toward the kitchen. The table was covered in a jumble of DEA files pushed to one end, presumably to make room for the pile of baby toys, a package of diapers, and various other essentials. 

“Can you strap that onto one of the chairs?” You asked, indicating the portable highchair left on the counter. 

She calmed somewhat when you buckled her into the chair, understanding what usually accompanied this setup. You looked through the pile on the kitchen table. Olivia began to get impatient, starting to cry again. 

“I know, I know, sweetie. Just a minute...” You said before turning to Javier. “Did they give you any formula?”

“What?” He winced as she wailed. 

“Formula. It’s a powder you mix with water to mimic breast milk.” 

“I have milk.” He said, opening the fridge. “Babies drink milk.” 

You smiled, shaking your head. “You’re lucky you’re pretty, Peña.” 

He pursed his lips, brow furrowed in the way it always was when he got upset. “Hey–” 

You reached out and put your hands on his shoulders in reassurance, laughing slightly. “I’m just teasing you, Javi. Do you have any soft foods? Like a banana?” 

Absently, he put a hand on your waist, as if it were second nature. “Yeah, yeah I have those.” 

He squeezed your hip slightly before moving around you to open a cabinet. The gesture was familiar and intimate, almost domestic. Your stupid heart began to race and you wished he’d come back and hold you. Refusing to dwell on your irrational desires, you focused on the task at hand. 

“Okay, so sit down and I’ll show you how to feed her.” 

“Can’t you just do it?” 

You raised your eyebrows, trying to imitate your mother’s scariest face. Javier sighed, but assented to sit down beside you. For all his bragging and posturing as a rogue loose canon, he was pretty good at taking directions. Together, you successfully mashed the banana and spoon-fed Olivia with only a little mess. 

You took responsibility for that part, though, since you wiped the mushy fruit on Javier’s nose yourself. He was angry at first, but the sight absolutely delighted Olivia. She clapped, letting out the bubbliest baby laugh you’d ever heard. He looked at her in confusion, which only made her laugh harder. 

You couldn’t help but giggle too, covering your mouth. Javier turned back to you, letting a grin spread across his face. A real, genuine smile–full of joy and ease. 

You felt like you’d been punched in the gut. This wasn’t the Javi you knew. The man who occupied too much of your thoughts was serious, sexy, and deeply damaged. He carried the lives and deaths of too many people on his shoulders, wearing the responsibility wherever he went. No, this man in front of you was almost unrecognizable, eyes crinkled and bright with banana on his nose, laughing with you. 

He wiped the banana off his face, shaking his head at Olivia as if to say  _ “Can you believe her?” _

You felt the sudden need to see him smile again. To be the reason for the joy in his eyes was too good, too much. You knew you should have left. You should have stood up, wished him the best of luck, and never answered his calls again. You were going to do it. You were. 

“How long will Connie and Steve be gone?” You asked. 

“Not sure. At least another day.”

“She’s going to need a bottle before bed.” You said, “We need to get formula.” 

He nodded, turning to Olivia with another smile that set your heart on fire. “Let’s go on a mission, Agent Murphy.” 

You walked through the small late-night market together, surrounded by the hum of fluorescent lights and the buzz of insects in the hot Colombian night. Javier carried a battered plastic basket, adding all the things you said you’d need while you balanced Olivia against your hip. She was definitely warming up to Javier, but he was still convinced she’d just start crying if he held her. You didn’t argue. 

“Get some tea too.” 

“Why?” Javi narrowed his eyes at you. “Babies don’t drink tea.” 

“Yeah but I do.” 

He added a box to the basket. “Let’s go before I end up stocking my kitchen for you.” 

You laughed, following him to the checkout counter crowded with tins of mints, cigarettes, and dashboard ornaments. The old woman working the cash register smiled, clucking her tongue gently at Olivia. 

“Maní dulce,” She said, putting the food into a bag. “Eres una hermosa familia.” 

Your eyes widened in embarrassment. “Oh, no señora, no eran–” 

“Muchas gracias, señora.” Javier said. 

You stared at him, too surprised to try and correct her again. He handed her some money for the groceries. Javi put his hand on your lower back, guiding you out of the store. He said nothing as he 

helped you buckle Olivia back into her car seat before sliding into the front seat and driving back to his apartment. 

For a moment, you let yourself imagine what it might be like to have a family with him–teasing each other about your kitchen, taking your children out to play, coming home to the comfort of one another’s presence every night…

You inhaled, cheeks burning with shame. You couldn’t do this, you couldn’t fantasize. Hopes like that would just get your heart broken. You’d see this through as a favor for your  _ friend _ and then you’d leave for good. 

“It’s getting late,” you said as the car slowed to a stop outside his apartment, “we should get her to bed. Does she have a crib?” 

“Steve put it in my room.” 

“I’ll handle bath time and pajamas while you fix her a bottle.” You said. 

This time, he didn’t protest or prematurely admit defeat. Javier just nodded and got out of the car. 

The longer you worked together, the more cohesive your partnership became. He followed your instructions to the letter and the bottle was the perfect temperature by the time you’d gotten Olivia all changed and comfortable. Javier held the bottle, rolling it between his palms. He pursed his lips, a telltale sign that there was more going on than he was telling you. 

“You okay?” 

He met your gaze, sheepish. “Can I do it?” 

Your heart practically melted. “Yeah. Yeah, of course.” 

Carrying Olivia over to the bed, you motioned for Javier to sit down. He obeyed, sitting up against the headboard. You leaned across him to grab a pillow, trying to keep your balance against the intoxicating warmth of his body. You hoped desperately that he didn’t notice your blush as you positioned Olivia on the pillow in the crook of his arm. She was more than happy to hold the bottle herself, looking up at Javier with her big beautiful eyes. He was instantly captivated, so much that he was apparently unaware of his hand on yours, keeping yours between the soft stripes of Olivia’s onesie and his palm. You watched them for a moment, adoring the small awed smile on Javier’s face as he looked at the precious being in his arms. 

Olivia pulled the bottle away from her mouth with a contented sigh, her eyelids growing heavier by the minute. You crawled up onto the bed next to Javier, scooping her up and holding her against your shoulder to burp her. She hiccuped and realizing sleepily that you were not, in fact, her mother, began to cry. Javier tensed at the sound, brow furrowed in concern. 

“It’s okay,” You reassured him softly, “She’s just tired.” 

You rocked her gently, rubbing her back in soothing circles. You shifted her so she lay against your chest as she continued to wail, patting her back gently. You began to sing softly, repeating a few lines of an old lullaby. You felt Javier’s gaze as you sang, but kept your focus on Olivia until her breathing deepened and she slipped into peaceful dreams. Slowly and deliberately, you slipped from the bed and laid her down in the crib. 

“I’m going to head home,” You paused for a moment, barely looking at Javier. 

“Y/N, wait!” He hissed, following you into the kitchen. 

You grabbed your purse, but he took it from you, throwing it back on the counter. 

“Don’t go.” 

“I have work tomorrow, Javi…” 

“I’ll drive you.” He argued, eyes pleading. “Please. I can’t do this without you.” 

_ Leave. Leave right now.  _

“Okay.” You sighed. “Okay, fine.” 

He smiled, pulling you to him and pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Thank you.” 

Right on cue, your heart skipped a beat. Flustered, you stepped back, forcing yourself away from the addictive comfort of his touch. 

“I’m going to go, um, wash my face.” You said, moving past him too quickly to notice the look of yearning on his face that followed your every move. 

“What are you doing?” 

Javier stood in his bedroom doorway in a navy blue tee shirt and black boxers, watching you settle on the couch below. 

“Getting ready to go to sleep. What are you doing?” 

He shot you a look. “What are you doing on the couch?” 

“I’m planning to sleep.” You said. “We’re going in circles here, Javi.” 

“Stop–fucking–stop playing dumb.” He rubbed his face with his hand. “You’ve never had a problem with my bed before.” 

“Yeah but we don’t–we usually…” 

“Jesus Christ, Y/N!” He threw his hands up in the air, stalking over to you. “Did I fuck something up?” 

“No, no. It’s not–” 

“I swear to God, if you say ‘it’s not you, it’s me…’” 

You sighed slightly. “I just...this is weird, right? Us taking care of a baby. It’s weird.” 

Javier paused, considering your words as if that thought hadn’t even occurred to him. He looked down at his hands for a moment, and you couldn’t quite make out his expression. Finally, he looked up again, lips pursed. 

“Is it because I didn’t correct that woman when she said we were a family? I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just thought...Jesus, I don’t know, that it was easier than explaining that we’re babysitting my partner’s adopted kid for the weekend.” 

_ No, it’s because I love you. And you’ll never love me back.  _

“Yeah.” You said. “Yeah, that just kind of caught me off-guard, I guess.” 

Javier took your hands in his, squeezing gently. “Lo siento, cariña.” 

You managed to meet his gaze. “Bien.” 

“Will you come sleep in my very comfortable bed now?” 

“I wouldn’t say it’s  _ very _ comfortable.” 

“Fucking hell–” 

“Yes.” You cut him off with a half-hearted smile. 

“Good.” He said, leading you to bed. 

Morning dawned, bright and warm over the rolling mountains and packed cities of Colombia. Consciousness came over you slowly, the world blinking into focus one small element at a time. You were aware of the warmth and gentle sunlight first, contentment spreading from your head to your toes. Inhaling deeply, you felt a warm hand slide over your thigh, leaving goosebumps in its wake. He pressed a kiss just under your jaw, gentle and tender. Your eyes fluttered closed as his mouth moved lower, kissing your neck. 

“Buenos dìas.” His voice was low and thick with sleep, sending a shudder down your spine. 

Javier’s touches became more intense by the second, his hand moving higher and marking your neck with soft bites. You arched into him, thoughts blurring together with his voice, his touch, his scent– _ him.  _ You pressed closer, wanting to be with him,  _ needing _ more. 

“Javi–” You breathed, opening your eyes to gaze at him. 

He kissed you, pushing you back against the pillows. Your fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer. He pressed another kiss to your lips before returning to his earlier mission, ducking lower to nip at your collarbone, his mustache tickling your skin.

You bit your lip, heat pooling in your stomach at the thought of what was to come. 

“Mi amor…” He hovered above you, propped up with those forearms you adored. 

The world froze around you as Olivia began to cry. 

“Shit!” You hissed, eyes wide. 

Javier sighed, head drooping to rest against your forehead. He rolled off of you onto his back, squeezing his eyes shut in frustration. The absence of his warmth brought cold reality crashing in. This was just sex for him. Just a little morning fun. Nothing more. 

All your resolve from the night before flooded back, giving you the strength you’d needed for so long. You got out of bed quickly, going over to pick up Olivia. You whispered soothing words to her while you worked. 

You would see this through, and then you would never see him again. 

Javier lit a cigarette, trying to calm himself down while you took care of the baby. He was blissfully unaware of your almost militant efficiency–changing her diaper, fixing a bottle for her to have in the high chair while you put on yesterday’s clothes and prepared for the final goodbye. 

Javier emerged from the bedroom, still in his pajamas and hair mussed as you pulled on your shoes. 

“You’re leaving?” 

“I have work.” You said, putting in your earrings. 

“This early?” He sounded disappointed. 

You refused to look at him directly. “I have to prepare for an interview tonight with Sandoval. And my producer...I have to go.” 

“What about Olivia?” 

You met his gaze, allowing a genuine smile. “You’re a natural, Javi. Just follow your instincts.” 

He perked up at your words. You walked over to the kitchen one more time, kissing Olivia on the head. She giggled, grabbing your finger again in her chubby fist. You smiled softly. 

Javi followed you to the door, fingers wrapping around your wrist before you’d left completely. 

“What? No goodbye for me?” He said with a smile that made you weak in the knees. 

You pulled your arm out of his grip. Hesitating slightly, you allowed yourself to take him in one last time. You studied his face– falling deep into his brown eyes, tracing the lines on his forehead and eyes that only made him more handsome. You wanted to savor this moment, because you knew you’d have to forget it. Forget all of it, if you wanted to move on. 

“Goodbye, Javier.” You whispered. 

You knew he was watching you walk away. But you didn’t look back. 

_ One Week Later _

The incessant ringing of your phone pulled you out of your dreams. The shrill tone cut through the images of grocery store isles, news reports, and brown eyes, bringing you back into the waking world. You rolled over, blinking to read your alarm clock.  _ 12:47 a.m.  _

You extricated an arm from the blanket and picked the receiver up just high enough to put it back down again, silencing the noisy intrusion to your rest. With a sigh, you rolled back over, hugging a pillow to your chest. 

You were nearly asleep again, teetering on the edge of thoughts and dreams when someone began pounding on your front door. You sat up, more irritated than afraid. You got up, stomping to the door and throwing it open. Whoever it was had  _ no idea _ what you’d been dealing with this week, so heaven help them if–

“Why aren’t you answering your phone?” 

Javier Peña stood in your doorway, leaning against the doorframe. His brow was furrowed with a mixture of concern and anger. You crossed your arms, trying to push down the infuriating sense of relief at seeing him again. 

“It’s one in the morning. I  _ was _ asleep.” 

“You haven’t answered any of my calls. Ever since you walked out of my house last Wednesday it’s been nothing but radio silence. Then you weren’t on air tonight. I thought–” 

“You thought you’d come over uninvited in the middle of the night?” 

“That never bothered you before.” He said, irritated. 

“Well it does now.” 

“Why?” He straightened up, shoulders tense. 

You reached out, starting to close the door. “I don’t want to do this. Good night, Agent Peña.” 

He stopped the door with his foot. “ _ Agent Peña _ ? Since when am I Agent Peña? What the hell is going on, Y/N?” 

“Nothing is going on. I’m just trying to get some sleep.” 

“Bullshit.” He said, pushing the door open again to look at you. “I’m not asking to come inside. I’m not asking you to do anything tonight. But I think I deserve a fucking explanation for why my–why you’ve been giving me the cold shoulder.” 

“I can’t.” 

“Can’t or won’t?” 

“Won’t. Can’t. What does it matter?” 

“Fucking hell, Y/N, just  _ talk to me _ !” He exclaimed. 

“That’s the problem, Javi! We don’t talk! We say things, sure, but they don’t mean anything. We fool around, we have sex, and then what? We go our separate ways until one of us is lonely or bored or both and then we do it all over again. I want to talk, Javi. I want to listen to you tell me about your day. I want to make dinner together. I want to be with you and for you to actually  _ stay _ . I…” Your voice broke, “And I can’t ask that of you. So I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry.” 

You tried to close the door again. He wouldn’t let you. Javi’s gaze had softened into something you couldn’t quite recognize. Tentatively, he reached forward. You let him. He took your face in your hands, making you look up at him. 

“I wish you’d asked a long time ago.” 

“Javi, I–” 

“Can I stay tonight?” He asked with a flash of his famous flirtatious grin. 

Somehow— maybe because of the earnestness in his gaze, or the warmth of his hands on your skin, or the fact that he had come here to fight for you, to stay with you instead of moving onto the next warm body —you knew he was asking so much more with that one simple sentence. A warm bubble of hope rose in your chest. You nodded, letting him back you up until he finally kicked the door shut behind you. Javier pulled you closer, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips that said more than either of you could. 


End file.
